Look out Troy Smith. Fate is coming for you. Let me share some history with you:
1. In 1968, someone named Orenthal James Simpson won the Heisman trophy with over 2800 votes, still a record. A successful football career ensued, followed by a mediocre acting career. A failed first marriage was followed by a failed second marriage. As the grade school taunt goes “First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes murdering your ex-wife and her new boyfriend on their front step with a knife.” Then comes slow speed white Bronco rides, acquittals, civil trials and eventually armed robberies and jail time. What started off like pretty sweet life turned sour quickly for the Juice. And the Heisman was sold to pay off a wrongful death suit.
2. Exhibit B is one Reginald Alfred Bush. Much like Exhibit A’s Juice, Bush was flying high after winning the 2005 Heisman Trophy with the second highest vote total in Heisman history – 2541. That was followed quickly by allegations of impropriety, allegations that soon turned out to be true. Bush’s USC Trojans were put on probation, stripped of scholarships and left with whiny Lane Kiffin as coach. Bush gave up his Heisman and his ba-donk-a-donk girlfriend in the span of a few months. It’s a fate you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy.
3. Exhibit C? That’s you Troy Smith. Call it the Heisman Curse. And it’s coming for you. Why? Because in 2006, just one year after Bush’s landslide Heisman victory, Mr. Smith, you had the nerve to notch the third highest vote total in the history of the illustrious trophy first earned by a Berwanger from Chicago. And Troy, you also garnered the most first place votes in Heisman history.
Not good.
So Mr. Smith, I beseech you, do not end up on the wrong side of Johnny Law like Bush and Juice. Keep your hands off knives and your wives. Don’t tell anyone about any gifts you accepted at college. And don’t do anything stupid that will get your Heisman stripped. Like cannibalizing a stripper. Because the curse is stalking you and your shiny trophy. And you don’t want to mess with Miss Fate. Because that bitch always wins.
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