Earth to Randy Moss: Put down that doobie. It’s causing some major short-term memory loss, my friend.
After the Patriots 38-13 shellacking of the Pittsburgh Steelers moved them one game closer to immortality, Moss said the team used second year safety Anthony Smith’s pre-game “guarantee” as incentive to pound the Steelers into submission. Afterward, Moss had this to say, “I’ve played in the league for 10 years and I don’t think I’ve ever heard a player ever say anything like that. There’s trash-taking each week, but just to guarantee a victory – that’s something hard. I don’t know if his teammates had his back or whatnot, but it was said, it was documented and it was printed. It came to us and we went out there today and you [could] see we wanted it more.”
Umm, Randy, I’d like to remind you that you were a Viking in 2003 when your 6-3 squad took on the 2-7 Oakland Raiders in Week 11. Your head coach, who loved to give away the gameplan to anyone who would listen, went on the local radio show of current Viking play-by-play man Paul Allen and his puffy sidekick, Twins rat and Gopher hockey analyst (“What do you think of me now?”) Jeff Dubay, and when goaded, gleefully said he guaranteed a victory “without a doubt.”
Your future team, the Raiders, won that game 28-18. Unlike your current team of classless buffoons, I don’t recall that Raiders team being so outraged that, instead of celebrating a first quarter TD, they ran over to Mike Tice to talk trash. Nor do I recall them being as classless as your current head coach after the game, when he said “You know, I think Rodney put it the best, so I’ll just leave it at that. But we’ve played against a lot better safeties than him, I’ll tell you.”
But that wasn’t the only guarantee that year. Simeon Rice did the same in Week 9 against the Carolina Panthers. His Buccaneers lost. So he tried again the following week against the Packers. Yup, you got it, another loss.
Come on, Patriots. We know you’re good. Heck, even with an old, slow front 7 on defense, you’re dominating people. You’re the best ever – we get it. You have the greatest QB and greatest WR in the history of the game on your team (sorry Brett, Joe and Dan. Sorry Mr. Rice). I want to root for you. I love a good dynasty. I enjoyed watching your plucky team take out the Greatest Show on Turf. But I just can’t root for you anymore.
Why? Because of the way you consistently talk trash and disrespect your opponents. Because of the way you steal signs and disrespect the game. And because your coach is about as likeable as a dungheap. Let’s face it, you’re nothing more than a bunch of bullies.
Which is why I hope that the Colts get another crack at you in the playoffs and beat you, silencing you and your giddy crowd. Then you’ll get a lesson in class from the master. Mr. Dungy won’t take a shot at your HGH-laden safety and he won’t talk about your affinity for cheating. He’ll win with class. I just wish you would, too.