I hate Division 1 college football. Wait, let me rephrase that since the NCAA is more retarded than Corky from Life Goes On – I hate NCAA Division 1 Football Bowl Subdivision (FBS) football. I have nothing against Division 1 Football Championship Football, because it includes a playoff and crowns a champion.
But not in the “real” Division 1 football. Instead, something called the Bowl Championship Series, controlled by six of the Division 1 conferences, determines what I like to call the mythical national championship. For that reason, I’m continuing my annual tradition of not watching a single bowl game. Not one. You know why? Because they DON’T FUCKING MATTER!
This year, undefeateds Alabama and Texas will square off for the “title.” Ain’t watching. Why? Because there are three other undefeated teams (Cincinnati, TCU and Boise St.) and because I think there are a number of other teams (Oregon and Florida come to mind) that could contend for a title if a playoff existed. Heck, given the way Nebraska’s D played against Texas, I wouldn’t count them out if they made the playoffs.
Since I’m not one to whine without offering a solution, here’s my solution: Institute a FUCKING playoff. This is why I get paid the big bucks – to come up with totally outside-of-the-box solutions. Don’t worry, I’ve heard the “praise” for the current system:
1. It usually works – the two best teams play each other. So that’s your great solution? It usually works? If your toilet usually worked, but when it didn’t, your shit was expelled right back at you, would you still use it? The beauty of this argument: Those supporting the current shitty system admit it is shitty and the best team doesn’t always win the national title. Wow. Just wow.
2. The regular season doesn’t mean anything with playoffs. Really? Did the regular season mean anything to Boise St., Cincinnati or TCU? At least one of those teams will not lose a game this season and also will not win a national title. So why even play? Essentially, every game outside the six conferences that created the BCS monopoly is pointless. Nobody outside of the BCS conferences will ever win a national title. I don’t know if anyone paid attention, but the only games that mattered the last couple of weeks were games involving Florida, Alabama and Texas. No other game meant anything. You institute even an 8 game playoff and you’ve expanded the number of games that matter exponentially.
Every game is still just as important – for seeding (assuming at least one round is at the highest seed) and just for getting into the playoffs. And guess what? You have a bunch of playoff games that matter, too. Instead of one pseudo-title game that I could care less about.
3. Playoffs don’t reward the best team, just the hottest team. I love this argument. Umm, doesn’t the bowl system do the same thing? The team that is the hottest at the end of the year and wins in the faux-title game is crowned the winner. How is a playoff system any different? And wouldn’t you rather reward a team that gets better over the course of the season? Say an Ohio State loses to a Texas in the first game of the season, then rolls through the rest of the regular season unbeaten and by the end of the year are playing better than anyone in the nation. Don’t they deserve a shot to prove that they’re the best team? That they’ve improved and could beat Texas if they played again? More often than not it seems like the title contenders (take Texas, who squeeked by Nebraska) aren’t really the ones that are playing well at the end of the season. Playoffs reward teams that may have stumbled early, but improve by the end of the year – the BCS punishes those teams, even when they appear to be playing better than unbeaten teams.
4. But we’d have a 15 or 16 game schedule. That’s too much. In case you missed it, we’re already up to about 14. And why not cut back on the number of games in the regular season? Mandate 11. Playoff teams would play three more, tops. You’re still at 14. They do it at every other level of college football – Mount Union and Whitewater at the D3 level both entered their title game at 14-0. They played 15 games and wrapped up their season in early to mid December with what was the most fundamentally sound college football game I’ve seen this season.
5. But what about Academics? There are finals in December! Dude, really? Aren’t a whole lot of Rhodes Scholars coming out of D1 college football. And even so, most bowl-bound teams ( which is a larger number than would be invited to a playoff) have to practice, go to team meetings, etc. during finals week, anyway. It’s not like they drop everything for finals. Let’s not pretend D1 football is something that it isn’t – they’re paid full ride scholarships to play football, not to get good grades. And the folks in D3 – who are taking physics instead of ballroom dancing or intro to physical education at what are usually much more academically rigorous schools – don’t have a problem with the championship games falling during finals.
I still can’t find a good reason not to institute a playoff system – other than keeping the bowl tradition alive. Which is great and all, but there also used to be a tradition of sacrificing virgins to appease the gods. Luckily for Tim Tebow, that’s no longer the case. It’s time to evolve college football into a real sport instead of something like figure skating, where a couple people’s opinions of who is better decides the winner.
So I’m doing what I’ve done for years – not watching a single game during the D1 college bowl season. I might watch my dog lick his balls, I might watch Jersey Shore, I might just stare at the wall. But I will not watch a college football bowl game until a playoff system is instituted. Case closed.
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