I love new technology, but I always seem later than a whore’s period to the party. I didn’t get a cell phone until late in 2005. It’s a dichotomy: I spend my days eagerly consuming tech news like it was free candy, yet my cell phone is the flip phone variety circa 2002.
I used free candy as my metaphor in the preceding paragraph because, well, I’m a cheap SOB too. Which explains why I didn’t get a cell phone until 2005 – the plans are just too damn expensive. And when I did finally get the aforementioned flip phone, it was only because I found a plan on Sprint, codenamed SERO, that cost me $30 a month for 500 minutes, unlimited data, free nights and weekends and other Sprint perks.
I know, I know, you get what you pay for. I’m not going to lie, Sprint was a third-rate carrier. Though they probably won’t admit it, they released the SERO plan, which originally was an employee plan, to the wild in an attempt to buy customers. At the time, they were known for pretty bad customer service. Even as late as last year, I read an article that said Sprint was likely to disappear within three years.
And their phone selection on the SERO plan was pretty bad. Though they gave you unlimited data, they didn’t give you the phone that could chew that data. No Blackberry, no Windows Mobile, no Android. No fun.
When I started hearing rumblings about this kickass new phone called the Evo that could do everything – including fellate – I was seriously considering jumping over. I assuaged my cheap side by saying “But look, it’s only $80 for unlimited everything – every other carrier charges more than that for less. And look how well that phone can cook a steak!”
You see, Sprint being a phone Nazi – no phone for you, SERO folks! – required SERO members to move up to the Everything plan at $80 a month. I checked my budget. And double-checked it. And triple-checked it. I could easily swing an extra $50 a month. And look how cleanly the phone slices through tomatoes!
I waffled back in forth in the weeks leading up to the June launch: Yes, I’m getting it – look how fast it can boil water! No, I can put that $50 to better use in my bank account. It was a tough decision. In the end, it was the same old response: my cheapness won out over my “Cool! Wow!” side.
But then something strange happened. Rumors started to swirl that Sprint was going to let legacy SERO customers on a new plan for an extra $20 a month. In typical Sprint fashion, nothing was really officially announced. One rep would say “Absolutely not. Tiger Woods will take a vow of celibacy and join a monastery before that happens.” While another would say “You didn’t hear it from me, but that sounds like the case.”
It seemed like every day my hopes would either shoot up or be destroyed. Then, out of nowhere, some VP at Sprint confirmed the rumor on his blog. A month later, a web site sprouted up at Sprint.com confirming the rumor. We were saved! Bye bye flip phone, hello phone that doubles as a time machine!
It was a smart decision by Sprint, if you ask my opinion. I know you didn’t, but I’m giving it anyway – it’s my blog and I can opine if I want to. The way I look at it, people who signed up for SERO are cheapos like me. Don’t believe me? I’ve seen some of them complain about losing their 10% corporate discount. 10% on $30 is like $3. There’s no way these cheap bastards would pay an extra $50 a month (or as they would call it, a 266% price increase).
So Sprint decided to charge $10 a month more for access to the iconic phones, and threw in some goodies like Sprint Navigation, unlimited mobile to mobile and in my case, unlimited texting. Throw in the mandatory $10 for the “added” data experience of 4G phones like the Evo, and you’ve got $50 a month for unlimited text, unlimited data, 4g, and a phone that can cut your hair (pubic included).
I may be cheap, but I love a bargain. This is a bargain.
So I jumped on board. I ordered my shiny new Evo online and was on the phone to activate it when Sprint customer service opened at 6 a.m. on Oct. 1. And I love it. Shitty battery life aside, my grubby little fingers are smudging up that screen tweeting, texting, buzzing, Angry Birding, selecting podcasts using the kller Stitcher app and just plain tapping it for fun.
Did I mention it slices onions and dices carrots?
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